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Kiddush is recited over the first of the 4 cups of wine. (Other things equal, red wine is preferable because of the reminder of blood. However, if you like white wine better, go for it!) Most people stand for Seder Kiddush (even if they usually sit for Kiddush). When saying SHE'HE'CHEYANU, we should have in mind the Chag plus the mitzvot of Matza, Haggada and the 4 cups. (Women who make their own Kiddush should not say SHE'HE'CHEYANU at candle lighting, but rather at Kiddush. Women hearing Kiddush from someone else, and will have said SHE'HE'CHEYANU at candle lighting, should not answer AMEN to that Bracha in Kiddush, since it might constitute an interruption for them.) We then sit and recline comfortably to the left for drinking the wine (even those who usually stand). Unlike regular Kiddush, for which a hefty sip can suffice, each of the four cups at the Seder requires drinking the whole cup, or at least a bit more than half. Grape juice is valid, but non-preferred substitute for wine. Only those who cannot handle wine well should use it. Even adding a small amount of wine to grape juice is far better than plain grape juice, since alcoholic wine is a symbol of freedom, wealth, and luxury.
Wash hands with a cup, without a Bracha (in some families only the Seder leader washes). Required according to the rules of Ritual Purity when eating wet foods, this washing is one of the many things done to arouse the curiosity of the children.
A small piece of celery (or other green vegetable; some use boiled potato, onion, white radish - family tradition usually determines what is used) is dipped in salt water (or vinegar). The Bracha BOREI PRI HA'ADAMA is recited. One should have in mind the Maror as well, since there are questions as to whether the Maror would get its own Bracha). Reclining is optional. Karpas symbolizes spring. It also whets our appetite - another symbol of freedom and luxury. Salt water reminds us of both the bitter tears of slavery and the "freedom waters of Yam Suf" (Red Sea). There are many other reasons. Karpas is a fine, richly coloured fabric (mentioned in Megillat Esther) which Rashi mentions when commenting on Yosef's multi-coloured coat. Karpas, then, is a reminder of the jealousy that brought us down to Egypt.
Break the middle Matza. The larger piece is hidden for later (Afikoman), just as the final redemption is yet to come. The remaining piece is now in its proper broken form - LECHEM ONI. Yachatz is also a curious thing to do, prompting questions. When do we perform the mitzvah of Matza - at the beginning of the meal or at the end when Korban Pesach was eaten with Matza? Yachatz addresses that question too.
Over the Matza and the second cup of wine, the story of the Exodus is told in answer to the child's questions. Real questions should be encouraged in addition to the traditional MA NISHTANA, and personalized (custom- tailored answers to each Seder participant, children and adults) answers should be offered in addition to the standard Haggada text. Following the story and analysis of selected verses from the Torah, the first instalment of Hallel is sung. The second cup of wine is drunk following the "Redemption Bracha" and HAGAFEN (Sefardim don't say a HaGafen on the 2nd or 4th cup, considering the cups to be covered by the brachot of the 1st and 3rd cup respectively). In some homes, the Seder leader reads/explains the Haggada and the rest of the Seder celebrants listen. It seems though, that in most families everyone says the Haggada (more or less) together. Either way, parents and grandparents (male AND female) should also really TALK to their children.
At this point, we have a full formal N'TILAT YADAYIM with a Bracha. It is proper that there be no talking from this point until after the Hillel sandwich. (it is advisable to spend a few minutes before washing to explain the several upcoming elements of the Seder.)
The 2 1/2 matzot are taken in hand and the Bracha HAMOTZI LECHEM MIN HA'ARETZ is recited. The two whole matzot serve as Lechem Mishna in honour of Yom Tov. Some use salt; some don't. Some keep the matzot covered during the Bracha; some do not. People without their own Lechem Mishna should answer AMEN to the leader's HaMotzi, even if they will be saying their own AL ACHILAT MATZA.
Without delay, put down the bottom Matza and say: AL ACHILAT MATZA. One should have in mind this first amount of Matza, the Korech, and the subsequent Afikoman. Opinions vary, but approx. 2/3 of a square Matza will satisfy both the Torah's requirement of a KAZAYIT, as well as the Rabbinic preference (measurements for Rabbinic aspects of the Seder are based on the smaller opinions concerning Kazayit, Revi'it, etc. The Rabbinic measure of Kazayit is 1/3 of a Matza, so the 2/3 piece can be considered a Torah-Kazayit as well as 2 Rabbinic-kazeitim.) to having two portions - one from the top whole Matza and one from the broken piece (based on a doubt as to which is the mitzvah - the whole of the broken piece). One should eat the Matza while reclining to the left, as a symbol of freedom, thinking of the mitzvah and its symbolisms. One set of matzot will not suffice for the required amounts for all Seder participants; it is a good idea for each person to have his own 3 Shmura matzot, or a plentiful stock of Matza pieces should be available to supplement the pieces received from the main three.
A "Kazayit" of Maror (lettuce leaves or stalks, horseradish) dipped in charoset is eaten, following the Bracha AL ACHILAT MAROR, as a reminder of bitter slavery - hence, no reclining. The Yerushalmi explains that the longer lettuce remains in the ground, the more bitter it becomes. This makes lettuce, although it is not very bitter, symbolic of the life of our ancestors in Egypt and therefore, particularly appropriate for the mitzvah. Some will wrap a small amount of horseradish in a lettuce leaf. Maror is a Rabbinic requirement until the rebuilding of the Beit HaMikdash, when it will resume its Torah status when eaten with Korban Pesach (and Matza).
A piece of the bottom Matza is combined with another portion of Maror forming the "Hillel Sandwich" which commemorates the Torah's command to eat the Korban Pesach with Matza and Maror. Some dip in charoset; some do not. Some recline; some do not. Some say the Hillel sandwich passage before KOREICH; others wait until after eating it so it won't be an interruption between the MATZA BRACHOT and the eating of the Matza with Maror.
We now have the festive meal, which should be an integral part of the Seder, not just a food break. Now is a perfect time to discuss various aspects of the Seder in a relaxed atmosphere. Some recline during the meal. Many start with egg (from the Seder plate and/or elsewhere) with salt water. Care should be taken not to overdo the eating at the Seder, since the Afikoman must be eaten AL HA'SOVA, when satisfied but not stuffed. The meal should be enjoyable in fulfilment of the mitzvah of SIMCHA on Yom Tov, and in keeping with the luxury-elegance-nobility-freedom aspects of the Seder. Keep in mind, too, that at the best of times in Jewish History in Eretz Yisrael with a Beit HaMikdash, the main dish was also sacred meat - viz. the Korban Chagiga.
As a sign of freedom & luxury, the Korban Pesach (Paschal Lamb) was eaten as a dessert at the end of the meal. Our Afikoman commemorates the Sacrifice and/or the Matza that was eaten with it. (This is why some eat two K'zeitim" of Matza for the Afikoman.) Here again, if there were only the ceremonial set of three matzot for the Seder leader, then his Afikoman cannot suffice for all Seder participants. Each can receive a small piece from the Afikoman that was put aside (stolen, hidden, recovered, stolen again, dealt, double-dealt, and eventually returned to the hands of the Seder leader, who probably needed to make several promises along the way), and supplement it with Shmura Matza from a stockpile. Care should be taken to eat the Afikoman before halachic midnight (12.31am in Auckland)
Birkat HaMazon is recited over the third cup of wine. Forgetting Yaale V'yavo invalidates Birkat HaMazon and requires repeating it all. If a M'ZUMAN is present, the head of the household should lead the benching rather than honouring someone else (as one would ordinarily do).
The fourth cup is filled and Hallel is completed. The other Hallel is also said, as are other songs of praise from our davening. A special cup of wine is filled, Elijah's Cup, which focuses on the fifth Term of Redemption, the coming of Mashiach, and the building of the third Beit HaMikdash. Care should be taken to drink a sufficient amount of the fourth cup, so that there is no question that an after-Bracha is required.
We conclude the Seder with songs and poems, which speak of miracles, divine protection and justice. May we soon see the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the fulfilment of our prayer, expressed on the day of "Repentance from Fear" (Yom Kippur) and the day of "Repentance from Love" (Pesach) - Next year in Rebuilt Jerusalem.
Some read Shir HaShirim after the Seder.
It might be a workable idea to keep the Seder moving at a decent pace, even though you and other participants have many explanations and Divrei Torah to share. Then, if you and others still have the necessary energy, you can stay at the Seder table - after you help clean up - and expound about the miracles and practices of the Seder for as long as you want.
One should be sensitive to his/her spouse, children, and guests and not turn a very special occasion into torture for those who are zonked from their Pesach preparations (or otherwise).
Finish up, let them go to sleep, and you can re-enact the episode of the scholars who had to be reminded that it is time for the morning Shema to be recited.